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He says it in a sweet little voice that bears no trace of sarcasm or disrespect. In answer to everything I say.
"It's time to take a bath now, Gus."
"We're going outside to pick tomatoes."
"Do you want to go see the goats?"
Fine, he says with his two-year old lisp and blond curls bobbing. I know he says it because he hears me sigh it in exasperation and his sisters reply it when they're tired of being asked.
I know it has so many meanings. But sometimes that little four letter word just means what it is:
It's fine. It's okay. It's all right. Don't worry about it. Let it go. Pass it on. Breathe deep.
It's fine to be finished.
Lisa-Jo is passing the baton. Four years of wild five minute writing in flash mobs and dark bedrooms and late nights that have gradually gotten earlier because let's face it--all us mamas are tired by 10 p.m. on Thursday, and she knows it's time to pass it on.
She's mentored my writing from afar since the day a friend forwarded me that old Gypsy Mama page and I thought who is this woman who knows the words my heart is whispering and weeping even though we've never met?
She told me in a crowded room at a conference last fall that I would know when the time was right to write that book that God has laid on my heart and I'm laying back down at His feet.
She was right.
And that time came before I was really read to wrap my mind around it and for months I've been trying to do it all.
But I think I'm finished too.
I think it's time I admit that it's fine if the blog doesn't get the best of me and instead that part goes to my children and the legacy of words I truly hope to leave.
It's fine to let what was once the best thing become something I used to do, for the sake of doing what I'm meant to do at this time, this season, this moment.
It's just fine to be finished with one season so another can come.
I'm not shutting this down....just taking a break. I'll be posting sporadically and not worrying about being faithful for numbers or platforms or expectations. I have long believed my best writing comes from when my soul is prompted and I need an alter to remember. This past spring I got caught up in trying to promote and that really didn't work well for me or sit well with my heart for this space. This is the place that has given me the courage to try for new and bigger dreams and I want to honor it with words that are worthy. But mostly, I need to live and focus on those who share my home and life and give breathe to every word I write.