When the Words are Perfect

We had one of those days yesterday.  And I had started my day with this and knew I needed these words.

“And he who does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me…” ~Mt. 10:38

Perhaps our greatest daily temptation is to be impatient — to refuse to suffer.

Perhaps my greatest daily sin is to refuse to suffer — to refuse to take up the cross of Christ.

Perhaps my greatest sin is refusing to wait on God’s ways — but to want my own will done — now.

Patience is a surrendering to suffering — a willingness to wait — a carrying of the Cross.

--the words are Ann Voskamp's...the grace is the Lord's

I'm not a very patient person.  And my girls suffer sometimes.  Not that they haven't done so much to add to frustration and stress.  Like the room that's always a mess, no matter how many times we clean.  Or the crumbs that lead me to sweep three times a day.  Or the sass that I just can't stand to hear coming out of my six year old's mouth.

But they aren't going to change overnight.  Attitudes and habits I've long let go unchecked will only change in time as we work together to become a family that is more like Christ.  A family that carries our own crosses daily.

I'm a complacent person.  I tend to do as I'm told.  I don't usually fight back.  And sometimes I'm unhappy for it.  My girls are strong-willed, defiant, fiercely passionate about whatever they have attached themselves to in that moment.  Beautiful, wonderful gifts that will make them independent, free-thinking adults.  But today these gifts are snares that entrap my own shortcomings making me feel that nothing I ever do will be good enough.

Then last night, while Joshua entered a mountain of receipts, I read this and these words fell on my broken, mommy-weary heart.

They just want me.  Every day, every moment, they just want to know they are loved.  Cherished.  Protected.  Delighted.  

And this morning, when I rose before light with Joshua to make the coffee he takes on his now hour-long commute each day to a job that brings him home late, I read these words from a book so worn it lay flat when I turned it over, pages open to here, different colors of ink from many years of study lining its pages....

If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. God is not working towards a particular finish; His end is the process - that I see Him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him walking on the sea. It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God.

--From My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

May I be worthy of this process of mothering....may God continue to bless me with words of love.

Raining Blessings

It rained off an on all day yesterday and by evening was the light was pearly gray and the ground was soaked.  Love it.

I really do love rainy days, as long as they don't come one after another and keep us inside for more than the girls can stand.  But the rain is soothing somehow, and makes me long for fall and coziness and hot chocolate and fires.  Well, the electric fire in our free-standing unit at least.

We did get outside some before the storms began.  Madelynne has finally learned to ride her bike by herself no training wheels.  Major accomplishment.  And I'm so glad the teaching is over because it was frustrating for all of us.  But once she got the hang of it--off she went!  In big circles all over the church parking lot at Bike Night.  Turns out she just needed the right motivation.  You'll have to make the pics bigger to read my captions.

Later this week we're hoping to finish a project we started last week...

and get lots of blueberries in the freezer to satisfy the blueberry pancake monsters at my house (that would be Amelia and her daddy).

And I think I've discovered why I'm low on vinegar, milk, worsterchire (actually I'm out of that), eggs, brown sugar, butter....ingredients used when you cook lots of deliciousness from scratch.  I also think I've discovered why my shorts sometimes seem a little tight.

I blame Pioneer Woman.

But everything I make from there is so good, how can I stop?

Hope your week is filled with blessings that come in showers or drizzles or storms or even sunshine.

Saturday Ramblings

I'm stealing away from my girls and Joshua for a few minutes while they're lounging on the couch stuffed with blueberry muffins watching a movie and avoiding our laundry list of outdoor chores.  Amelia is doing this.

She wanted cereal with milk like her sisters.  And actually, she did a really good job eating it!

Today we have chores like neatening up the yard that I attempted to cut the other night.  This is why I had no Thankful Thursday post.  I thought I'd do Joshua a favor and mow at least part of our little lot, but I think I made it worse.  The girls were mad because I mowed them a path through their "wild garden."  Oh, well, at least I got thirty minutes alone where all I heard was a constant roaring which might be an occasional improvement over shrieking.

We've kept pretty low-key busy this week.  I finally sorted and framed a bunch of pictures, just in time for Katie's announcement that she won't be photographing families anymore.  So, I feel like I should definitely treat the ones (like in my header) from our October photo session with care.

I took the girls to see the new Winnie the Pooh movie.  I love that a review I read last week said Pooh was the only one man enough to challenge Harry Potter on opening weekend.  And even though I spent some time with Mr. Potter first, this new charmer from Disney was well worth it.  Of course, I spent the majority of my time corralling Amelia who squealed, "Beep, beep!" every time she ran into my legs blocking the aisle, and finally I had to take her out because every time Eeyore came on screen (which was a lot considering it's a film about the 100 Acre Woods crew finding Eeyore's tail) she called out, "MOOOO!"  I tried to explain that Eeyore is a donkey, but such subtleties are lost on a one year old.

By the way, I don't endorse taking children Amelia's age to the movies because they are disruptive for others, but I didn't have much choice and I'd already promised her sisters and they cleaned the bathrooms as part of their eagerness to go, so what's a mom to do?

Speaking of Potter, I think there's a crazed fan on the loose in the Sham.  I've spotted two stop signs this week with graffiti that makes the sign read, "STOP VOLDY."  Personally, I find this hilarious, though I also can't condone defacing stop signs.

But they are just one of the strange sightings my small southern town has to offer.  My neighbor up the street has a Statue of Liberty in her yard.  Two months ago I thought maybe it was there temporarily waiting on VBS, but now I think it's their new yard art.

I walked past it several times last night while helping Madelynne learn to ride her bike.  We made her use her own money to buy a new one after she left hers behind her daddy's truck one too many times.  And because it's a bigger bike, no training wheels.  No training wheels means lots of frustration for my perfectionist daughter who'd rather not do something if she can't do it right the first time.  But she's finally getting the hang of it.  Last night she rode around the entire cul-de-sac by herself.  Maybe I'll be able to let go long enough to take pictures next time.

This is what I gave Joshua for our anniversary.  Printed out on copy paper instead of a card.  I found it here at a fun new blog I've been following.

I'm on the hunt for some new art for the house.  I'm hoping for a Family Rules sign by fall.  I've seen a few I like, but let me know if you have a good source or a good idea or want to help me start embracing the idea that we're going to be living in this house for twice as long as we ever intended.  

And now Joshua has gotten all the girls dressed and outdoors, so I guess I better join the Saturday morning work fun.

What Makes a Marriage

Originally published July 20, 2011 when we were celebrating nine years.  This year marked ten with the promise of many more.

Nine years ago, he held my hand and grinned at me when Dan pronounced us man and wife.  Tonight he's guiding little hands to put together a puzzle.

Nine years ago, the buffet was spread all over the halls of Rosabelle Manor.  Tonight we had leftovers and he fed Amelia bits of hamburger.

Nine years ago, he wore a coat and tails.  Today he opted for a shirt he never wears because everything else needs ironing.

Nine years ago, I'd have told you that yellow roses and blue delphinium, white satin and floaty chiffon, beautiful music and softly lit candles made the perfect marriage.  Now I know they make a lovely wedding, but what makes a marriage is so much more.

What makes a marriage is how many times he got up with a new baby girl (now baby boy!) in the middle of the night.  It's all the many times he's bought me exactly what I wanted and gone without.  It's the times I've heard him singing lullabies or reading for the hundredth time that book about the lost duckling that Annabelle loves so much.

What makes a marriage is all the times he's taken over when I just can't handle this messy, chaotic, amazing life we have. 

What makes a marriage is all the dark times in the past nine years he's continued to love me, to forgive me, to desire me when I'm sure no one else could.   He's seen my worst, yet everyday he finds ways to tell me that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him.

He's certainly the best thing that ever happened to me.

Multitude for Monday

Moments of quiet

and serenity

and moments

of gifts

given even in the hard times

the long times

the beaten down times

the "are we ever going to get there"

and "pay attention to me"

times that frazzle

this mommy

into forgetting

that in constant thankfulness

for even the hardest moments

I can see God

over the water

in the sunlight

among the flowers

and the sand dunes

and the animal crackers on the carpet.

We're back from our jaunt away with Marmie and a couple aunts...and I'm learning hard everyday what it means to live under grace.

Guest Posting Today!

I'm pretty sure that most of you who follow me, also follow Julia over at Black Tag Diaries.  I link up there fairly often for Thankful Thursday and today I have the honor of guest posting about Wedded Bliss. 

Ironic since I abandoned my husband this week to spend some time on Hilton Head with my mom and sisters.  And my girls, so maybe he got the best end of the deal after all. 

When I wrote my post, I didn't really take the opportunity to thank Julia and I should have, so that's what this quick moment is for.  Julia is an incredibly talented and creative person who moved away to support her husband through seminary just as we moved in.  So we've developed our friendship via blogland and I'm so grateful.  She makes me laugh, savor the little moments, and wish I was creative.  Instead, I just enjoy her blog and am planning to coerce her into photographing my girls some time.  Right now she's gone galivanting off to Alaska on a cruise and all of us left behind can't wait for the posts from that adventure.  Love you, Julia, come back soon!

How Much I Love the Beach

I love the beach so much I am willing to drive 5+ hours in a minivan by myself with three kids.  Obviously I learned nothing from last time.

I love it so much I'm going to stop in Augusta for reinforcements, aka Aunt Kelsey and all her paraphinalia.

I love the beach enough to agree that Mama and Audrey can ride back with me and bring the new dog.  I'm not really a fan of dogs in my car.  Max may have to ride on the roof.  Except now Linda and Glad are gasping and will never speak to me again.  just kidding....

I love the beach so much that I'm putting aside the guilty twinges of leaving Joshua here alone with a fridge full of leftovers and a que list on netflix.

I love the beach.

But I love blogging too, so don't miss us too much while we're gone, if anyone out there actually reads this semi-regularly.  I tried to post a counter so I could be all cool like Kim, but it didn't work.  I think God knows I need to be writing for myself and Him first and not caught up in whether or not others care.  Working on that...

Speaking of, if you did need a Brackett randomness fix, I'm guest posting over at Julia's on Friday.

and I might hack my mom's computer some this week to give you a beach update. 

Aloha!
(we're not in Hawaii of course, but I'm so excited to get my toes in some beach sand we might as well be)

these are a few of my favorite things

I'm linking up with Rachel today and doing it early so that if today repeats yesterday's toughness, I will hopefully be better armoured to deal with it.

Joy is a flame that glimmers only in the palm of the open and humble hand.

~1000 Gifts

This face.  It never fails to crack us up and when her daddy is telling her not to do something and she responds like this, I know we are goners. 

Friends with gardens so my children can indulge in their love of cucumbers and ranch dressing. 

The squealing of my big girls as they pull on rain boots to go with their swimsuits on the day our pool plans got rained out. 

Here's an unknown fact about my husband.  He plays the cello.  And last night he dusted it off for the first time in 10 years so he can play in the orchestra piece the church choir is planning for Christmas.  He practiced by playing Disney showtunes for his princesses.

Candlelight.  It's soothing and calming and somehow when I light the candles after the kitchen has been cleaned and the girls are settling in for bedtime I feel like I can breathe a little more and realize that it's small stuff, all this strife.  And they bring me the candles from the Easter baskets and beg for them to be lit too so they can have a little flame of my light.

What are a few of your favorite things?





Thankful Thursday

Today trying to find gifts to be thankful for has felt more like work than grace.

The girls are challenging more than my patience. 

It hurts my heart to think I've let them believe that yelling and quick tempers are

the paths to resolution.

I'm praying to change that in myself. 

This path is hard when sometimes all I want to do is slam my own door and hideaway.

I took lots of pictures today.  A day when words seemed futile.



Stop the Screaming!

I know people have all sorts of names for the infamous pacifier, and God bless the inventor of this lovely scream stopping contraption. 

My big girls called theirs "nite-nite".  Belle just always said whatever Madelynne did and Madelynne started calling it that when she realized she only got it at bedtime.  That was when we more zealous about the paci habit so it wouldn't be as hard to break. 

Well, Amelia has broken us.  I try to keep it put up, but sometimes it's all that will stop the ear-splitting shriek she's been perfecting the past few weeks. A shriek of anger, delight, annoyance, joy...doesn't matter as long as she's making noise.  And in the true fashion of a third child asserting her right to possessiveness, what do you think she calls her paci? 

"MINE!"

applesauce on her chin...her new grin for when i pull out the camera...no idea where her mine is

What Sunday Looks Like

A day of rest and rejuvenation, of just us and nobody else, a day to remember that sometimes it's okay to slow down and eat a homemade Sunday dinner, take a long nap, trek through the woods, find the glory in everywhere we are.

Thankful Thursday

Thankful on Friday morning for reflections from Thursday....

On Wednesday we celebrated Joshua's birthday and though I've got a post coming exclusively dedicated to why I am so blessed to have him, I wanted to take a minute and remind myself that I don't have to raise my kids, clean my house, build a life...alone.  I was given a partner and I am thankful everyday for him.

Madelynne wanted him to wear a birthday crown, so of course he did once I promised it wouldn't be a princess crown.

This week I've been thankful for swim lessons, for people who are confident, patient, and firm with my children in a way that makes them want to do and succeed.  And I got a little glimpse of what Madelynne must be like in a classroom.  I'll start praying now for her first grade teacher.

I think at this moment they were told to splash, but Madelynne had a habit of splashing even when her feet were supposed to be out of the water.

Pretending to like each other.

Her version of a dive.  We'll have to work on it.  She says she could do it if we'd buy a house with a pool.

Learning to swim on top of the water as opposed to under it.

This is the child who wouldn't dare go under water last summer.  Way to go Annabelle!

Finally, I'm thankful for the house wine of the South that gets me through all these hot summer days with shrill girls, wet bathing suits left in the car, and piles of library books that are overdue.  ahhhh.....sweet tea.  There's nothing like it.  Thank you, McDonald's for making it cost a dollar and for putting in unsweet when I ask so I feel less guilty.